


Fuck Yeah, Autocorrect!

by winterover



Category: Star Trek XI
Genre: M/M, Misunderstanding, Pre-Slash, Texting, autocorrect
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-11
Updated: 2011-08-11
Packaged: 2017-10-24 15:47:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/265220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winterover/pseuds/winterover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the <a href="http://buckleup-meme.livejournal.com/profile"><img/></a><a href="http://buckleup-meme.livejournal.com/"><b>buckleup_meme</b></a> prompt "<a href="http://buckleup-meme.livejournal.com/5309.html?thread=1282493#t1282493">It would be hilarious/awesome to see awkward autocorrected messages between Jim and Bones leading to miscommunications and culminating in the start of what will ultimately become an epic relationship.</a>"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fuck Yeah, Autocorrect!

JTK > hey, you busy?  
LHM > I'm in class. Aren't you?  
JTK > yeah, but i'm bored. i know all this shit.  
LHM > pay attraction, maybe you'll learn something your giant head hasn't heard before.  
JTK > huh?  
LHM > Attention. Pay attention. what the fuck is wrong with my comm?  
JTK > autocorrect, duck  
JTK > dude  
JTK > see  
LHM > it's the 23rd century, you'd think they would have fixed that prostate  
JTK > nothing wrong with my prostate. nothing at all.  
JTK > come and check it if you want.  
LHM > I'll tkae your word for it  
LHM > sorry, lettuces typo.  
LHM > legitimate typo  
LHM > Fuck you too, communicator. piece of overdesigned anti-ergonomic crap  
JTK > technology 234619, lhm 0

  
JTK > leonard  
LHM > What.  
JTK > i love you truly, madly, deeply, just wanted you to know  
LHM > I bet your warp theory professor doesn't.  
JTK > btw 'i love you' meant do yuo want to get sexual or pizza tonight?  
LHM > uh  
JTK > ...sexual? i typed 'sushi'.  
JTK > bones, i didn't mean it  
JTK > sushi  
JTK > you like sushi!  
JTK > bonobo, come on  
*message not received, recipient disconnected from network*  
JTK > i meant 'bones'. if you do want to get sexual, though  
*message not received, recipient disconnected from network*  
JTK > idk that wouldn't be a problem  
*message not received, recipient disconnected from network*  
JTK > whatever you want  
*message not received, recipient disconnected from network*

  
JTK > BONES  
LHM > Jim, for the last time, stop cumming!!!  
JTK > NEVER  
LHM > comming  
LHM > STOP COMMING ME. fuck.  
JTK > very freudian, btw. i'm liking it. saving that one.  
LHM > shut up.  
JTK > cumming over tonight to study physics? /eyebrows/  
JTK > we could go over the attraction between bodies iykwim  
LHM > Why are you somehow MORE immature in messages than in real life?  
JTK > i'm the same. irl my hot body and huge head distract from my personality, so you dont' notice  
JTK > you never answered my question  
*message not received, recipient disconnected from network*

  
LHM > We've got a substitute in interspecies introductions today. He's about a creature old  
LHM > century old and he doesn't realize his voice isn't reaching the whole back half of the class. can't hear a damn thing.  
JTK > lame.  
LHM > so boner  
LHM > boner  
LHM > bored.  
JTK > i'm boner, too  
LHM > ...  
LHM > Bored, you mean.  
JTK > no. boner. seriously.  
LHM > dammit, Jim  
JTK > i can't help it i'm so virile  
LHM > there's a mastication for that.  
LHM > medication  
JTK > oh my fuck  
JTK > a few different letters  
JTK > that was ALMOST the best leonard p. mccoy autocorrect of all time  
JTK > (the p is for prude)  
LHM > I'm going now.

  
JTK > so i was thinking over some things today  
LHM > yeah  
JTK > and i was wondering  
JTK > can i start calling you 'boner' instead of 'bones' now?  
JTK > bones?  
*message not received, recipient disconnected from network*  
JTK > stop tickling your comm off and not letting messages through!!!  
*message not received, recipient disconnected from network*  
JTK > TURNING.  
*message not received, recipient disconnected from network*  
JTK > STILL THINKING ABOUT YOUR COCK I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW  
*message not received, recipient disconnected from network*  
JTK > YOUR FAULT  
*message not received, recipient disconnected from network*  
JTK > YOU STUPID HOTASS DOCTOR, YOU'RE RUINING MY LIFE  
*message not received, recipient disconnected from network*  
Starfleet Home Communications Network Admin 02291 > You could just tell him, you wimp.  
JTK > you shouldn’t spy on private ramekins  
JTK > rantings  
Starfleet Home Communications Network Admin 02291 > It's our job. It's for your own safety.  
JTK > can't you fix the autocorrect thing, though?  
Starfleet Home Communications Network Admin 02291 > It brings us too much enjoyment.  
JTK > yeah, guess it would

  
JTK > james t. kirk reporting live from the wilds of alaska  
JTK > so fucking cock  
JTK > fucking COLD  
LHM > would have believed either, to be honest  
JTK > i'm alone in the wilderness on a survival expedition. but i'm glad you have so much faith in my penis  
LHM > I thought you weren't diode to use your comm except in emergencies  
LHM > diode  
LHM > diode  
LHM > supposed. How the hell did it get 'diode' out of 'supposed'  
JTK > you're a doctor, not an electrical engineer.  
JTK > just wanted to check in and make sure you were behaving yourself in my abscess  
LHM > I'll assume that was meant to be 'absence'.  
JTK > yeah  
JTK > i find myself strangely lonely without the constant stream of cranky bitching and admonishment.  
LHM > licking  
LHM > likewise  
JTK > don't get my hopes up, man  
LHM > Except replace 'cranky bitching' with 'immature perversity'  
JTK > anyway. are you at home?  
LHM > yeah?  
JTK > then i'll see you in about fifteen minutes. i'm bringing curry  
JTK > and myself  
LHM > Jim, you're in Alaska  
JTK > i was kidding. i already completed all the challenge objectives.  
LHM > you were supposed to be gone for three weeks. it’s been eleven days.  
JTK > 'accidentally' left all my supplies behind on the transport, so they let me get out early. i think i impressed them with my survival skillz  
JTK > so skilled i gets a z  
LHM > you little organ grinder.  
LHM > Overachiever. what the fuck.  
JTK > you're so proud of me  
LHM > a little bit.  
JTK > that means a lot.  
JTK > bringing you curry, myself and also a hug jsyk  
LHM > Most people don’t announce displays of physical affection before they happen  
JTK > wait ‘til we have sex, i’ll let you know beforehand in sky writing  
LHM > sky writing is illegal.  
JTK > i notice you're not saying no to the sex

  
LHM > Jim, your boxers are in my room, come and get them NOW.  
LHM > htey’re on my desk chair.  
LHM > how did you manage to leave your underwear behind??  
JTK > oh, i was wondering  
JTK > i thought my balls just felt weird because i was hungover  
LHM > Is that a common symphony of a hangover fo ryou?  
JTK > it's not so much music as hammers pounding on my brain  
LHM > symptom, I meant  
JTK > are you sure they're even my boxers? idk if i put any on yesterday and i don't remember taking them off and then putting my pants back on without them. that's uncharacteristic  
LHM > well, they're not mine. I wear size 6. you wear size 8 because your ass doesn't fit into size 6. And these are size 8.  
JTK > i was unaware you were so well-versed on the particular dimensions of my posterior  
JTK > what if they're somebody else's, you could have a parachute i don't know about.  
LHM > what?  
JTK > a paramour  
LHM > Between class, assignments, clinics, labs, volunteering, TAing, and having to answer your comms every 5 seconds, I don't have the time or energy for a paramour.  
LHM > how do you even know that word.  
JTK > idk  
LHM > nobody says that anymore.  
LHM > not even in Georgia.

  
JTK > i just wanked into a tree  
JTK > bones  
JTK > gonna let you decide whether that was an autocorrect or not.  
LHM > Why do I even know you.  
LHM > jesus  
LHM > I’m at the clinic, just come over.  
JTK > thanks  
JTK > you’re my farting  
JTK > favorite


End file.
